Convincing myself to stop missing my opportunities

For some reason I was and actually still am really scared of adult life. That’s fun and sad since I AM an adult! Finding a real job, going on interviews, finding a flat to live in, paying taxes, and all this adult stuff makes me extremely anxious and horrified about my future life, so I am trying to avoid this topic.

Maybe that’s because I suffered from depression and social phobia since high school, and started to get meds only about a year ago, and I still have some of my old fears and habits.
I have worked before and made some commissions, but they were either made for my family and friends, or for strangers, but for free. I guess I don't have great communication skills and my self-esteem is really low, so I never think I would be able to find a job in art since I don’t want to drop prices and don’t want to underestimate my effort and time, but also I still don’t feel satisfied with the results and think I can’t ask money for that skills. I don’t feel confident enough to ask for money, but I also don’t want to work for “free" and allow people to use me. And because of that, I wasn’t making any attempts to find a job, upload my portfolio online, or even come to professional development events at the university since I think I will waste my and others' time, and would be ashamed about how low are my knowledge about work and adult life are and how useless are my skills. That’s definitely really irrational, and I need to believe more in myself and to use my opportunities since if I am not making anything, I won’t gain anything as well. It is really hard and terrifying, but I need to force myself and make some attempts.

Unfortunately, I already missed all of the events during this semester, but since I need to find a job after my studies anyway, I will place my resume and portfolio online and will start looking for a job starting from the summer holidays. Also, I will try my best to visit events the university provides during next year.

Actually, I never realized how much I missed staying at home for years and ignoring the events, but now, when I received professional help, and also when I started this course and read this particular task, I understood how many opportunities I actually have and that I should stop wasting them. I am really thankful for this task, even though I feel ashamed I have nothing to write about.